The Invisible Nurse

26 Feb

The invisible nurse that the supervisor insists exists.

The Invisible Nurse– is the Nurse that all House Supervisors think exist, except they do not exist.

I can tell by the way he says my name when I answer the charge nurse phone.

He hates me!

Supervisor: (Hangs up on me.)

I Will Always Be ICU New

19 Feb

Lieutenant Diechler on 10 August on discharge from hospital after recovery from bullet wound to abdomen received at Hatcher’s Run in March. From Circular No.6, Surgeon General’s Office, Washington, 1 November, 1865. Tinted lithograph.

It is the three year marker walking the Avenues on the intensive care unit and opening the glass doors of these special Hospital rooms. It is a complex obsession of knowing the patient, untangling needs, and anticipating what will happen next. It is persistent vigilance at the bedside. It is the critical care thinking.

Sleep All Day

18 Dec

This work is hard. It is harder to nurse a patient and see major improvement to come back the day and see a turn for the worse. This has to have an effect on our emotions. I slept all day. I was just tired.  The blanket over my head felt so good.

I know what the book tells us: eat right, exercise and care for the self.  I was never good at doing what the book reads.

Wet Your Eyes

10 Dec

The eyes are complicated things, I still don’t understand the anatomy and physiology. I don’t understand how a camera works either.

I do know that these shutter lids wet my eyes even with the dry eye. Apparently the glassy end of shift red dry eyes try to compensate with tears like lake reflections in the water of a busy shift– but they are still dry.

I do not like eye drops but I love eye wash.

Your Head in My Hands

9 Dec

The frontal lobe assault! It is that frontal lobe you know, that fucking personality driver! It takes patience to care for these patients, and I do not mind. I can do anything for 12 hours.

Two Minutes Switch

5 Dec

The reality: Once upon a time in a busy intensive care unit a patient was dying. The severe bloodstream infection causing severe sepsis leading to the complicated pathophysiology associated with disseminated intravascular coagulation is difficult to understand. There is bleeding and micro-clotting at the same time. I do not understand. Multi-organ failure I understand.

Two minutes: Switch.

Time of death =

The flame without love is just a wick.

3 Dec

This space for the case of the new nurse does not apply anymore: from telemetry to neuroscience to the trauma & medical intensive care units; I hardly know what to write about anymore. I read popular science to get away from nursing science. I wonder why it is so hard to prime the CCRT cartridge without getting air bubbles and alarms. There must be a missing step or maybe I didn’t snap the lines hard enough; maybe I didn’t tap the cartridge hard enough.


I might be back with a fire. A fire to extinguish the lonely flame in this world without lovers.


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