This is your day spa…

28 Sep

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Welcome to your spa hospital.  I am nurse Lana, and I will be your nurse today, so just relax and slip into this 100% silk  hospital gown.  Wait for me, I will be back to assess your lungs and your vital signs, and your cardiac rhythm.  It seems as though, dear patient you are experiencing an abnormal rhythm called atrial fibrillation. I will similutaneously administer per MD orders: an anticoagulant IV, a calcium channel blocker IV, an inotropic antiarrhythmic, and maybe even a beta blocker: all in an attempt to control your ventricular response to your fibrillating atria.  Because here at your local spa hospital I can take care of all of your needs in addition to your arrythmia. I know the palpitations, and slight shortness of breath and decreasing cardiac output is meaningless to you, and you would rather me scratch your back and rub your feet instead   of titrating your heparin, sticking you with needles, or taking your blood pressure so often.

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