Nurse Me

12 Jan

I got really sick to my belly

Well what happens when the nurse is sick? Oh what a terrible dilemma had washed over my bowels rendering me a weak attenuated thing. The awfulness can not be underestimated. So how did it start?

Pre viral load day, I felt an aching chill that spread through my body. I sat in the neighbors car for an hour on her heated seat for comfort, it relieved the pain in my ass that I thought was secondary to sitting for a long period studying for PCCN. I never was a good sitter and school used to drive me insane, sitting for lectures equated to one big ouch as I shifted my weight every minute and pumped my calves continuously to the annoyance for sure of all around me.

That night, to weak to cook a meal I consumed pizza and salad from a take out Italian place not to far from my housing. Afterwards I slept without to much of a hitch.

The next morning at 0600 I awoke and groomed myself diligently for the start of a 3 day work spree. I sat on my lowly toilet to pass urine and what came out was diarrhea! I had not felt sick and anyway it was too late to actually call out of work at this point so I trucked into work.

Then at 0800, my first patient, while being assessed by the nice belly doctor asked me about my patient. So I told him the news of liquid stool to which he then asked me: “Will you get me a gown and assist me whilst I perform a rectal exam?” I replied, “Naturally, of course I will assist you dear doctor.” I then proceeded to tie his gown in the back for him nicely and then I moved to opposite side of the bed, leaving the backside for him to assess. What happened next was the good doctor placed his two fingers inside my patients rectum and removed some poop and said, “Nurse the patient is filled with stool and I will have to remove it, can you squeeze some surgical lubrication on my gloved poopy hand.” I said, “Surely anything to make this easier for the patient.” As I thought of what was to come. My imagination behooved me as I stood at the head of the patients bed, gently stroking the hair repeating, “The doctor has to remove the poop that is stuck in your colon and it will be uncomfortable but you will feel better when it is done.”  I felt myself turning green.
My chronic flush fading as I felt the precious warm blood drain from my facial capillaries. I watched the doctor remove pile after pile four fingers wide of poop like bricks that I never thought possible to be stored in one persons colon.
I almost passed out, feeling very syncopal as I discarded the large pile of poop down the toilet in increments of quarter loads to not break the toilet. And then I found myself in the bathroom, somewhat of a wretch with my own gastrointestinal problems in the form of nausea, vomit, and diarrhea. Every patient smell made me want to hurl out the contents of my stomach which was filled at this point with nothing and I felt myself become depleted.
Fluid volume deficit is an understatement as I secretly guess-timated how much volume was lost with each episode. When I finally got home I bet my blood pressure was in the 70s, but I would not dare attempt to measure my pressure, it is bad enough I was mentally mathematically calculating my intake and output.
I crawled into bed with my Gatorade bottles and Tylenol, I was febrile and hurting.
I did not dare take the Immodium because I know whatever was cooking in my intestines did not want to stay there to grow and multiply like some sick fermentation pressure container.
I stayed home from work on day 2 and felt weak but on the road to getting better. I ate toast: the first solid in 40 hours. It did not stay down, it came out the back door. By the evening I tolerated vegetable soup and crackers without immediate expulsion. I went to work for day 3, still feeling weak.
I found myself in charge again and the monitor tech without patients, which was good because I doubt if I could have spinned on telemetry like my usual self. It was still a rough shift and my body was still hurting, it still hurts. My emotions hurt too, but I will save that for another helpless self esteem bashing post another time.
Whatever decided to invade my body achieved its intended effect: to make me cry. Now I feel better enough to seek revenge: I have a big bottle of bleach and a bucket, and I know how to use it. Seek and destroy you nasty poop virus.

4 Responses to “Nurse Me”

  1. AnonymousRN January 12, 2010 at 22:57 #

    I hope you are feeling better. An extra day off might have done you some good…. at our hospital there is a policy that you have to be 48 hours without vomiting and diarrhea before you come back to work after having gastro.

    • seejanenurse January 13, 2010 at 17:50 #

      Well thank you. I should of stayed home the extra day. That policy makes sense, imagine a GI viral outbreak?

      • AnonymousRN January 15, 2010 at 04:02 #

        I remember seeing it when I was a student and there was a Norwalk outbreak at our hospital. Uck! Never want to go through that again! 🙂

      • seejanenurse January 16, 2010 at 01:50 #

        I can imagine!

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